While I was but a boy, I could nev'r furget that Frost of '82. The look on Pa's worn, leathery ol' face as he gazed at his orchard of tangelo trees was enough to make the biggest of men weep -- and it did, by golly, as Uncle Billy, standin' six foot four and weighin' two-hundred pounds, was cryin' like a babe deprived of teet.
Oh, the Frost of '82.
I 'member z'actly where I was when I heard the news. I was out huntin' wit' muh coon hounds, Stan and Fran, findin' notin', when Ma came and done told me our 'tire orchard had been destroyed... all but a small section of a dozen trees; a few tangelos, some oranges, and a couple grapefruits survived. Those few remainin' trees would become our Gard'n of Eden, like in them Bible stories Ma was always preachin' 'bout, and they was the only way we would survive them next few harsh, hot summers.
When I look back at the devastation, the pain, the sufferin', and the tears the Frost of '82 caused my family and my neighbors, I can't help but smile.
Labels: Rambling
I thought I'd share a few sites I've run across lately, here in Linkage 1.0 (expect 1.1 some other day when I can't think of anything more exciting to post).
Maxim's 50 Lamest Things of All Time List
I hate to spoil #1 for you, but it's mandals. Yes, mandals are the lamest thing ever according to the respected periodical known as Maxim, which was the topic of my third post ever back in September of 2005. Other things on the list include popped collars (which I also posted about in my very first post), Dane Cook (definitely agree here), cell phone holsters, Kayne West (and his gloves-and-sunglasses look), premium gas, rappers who haven't been shot, men in helmets and Utah. Yes, Utah. And this is Maxim, folks, so this is all determined strictly by science... and you can't deny science. It's scientific.
World War II Casualties
I'm not even going to put the figures on here... too depressing for my blog. Just look, especially at the TOTAL figures, because I'm not sure too many people in general are truly aware of the devastation of the war... yeah, just look.
Man Will Swim the Entire Amazon River
Yeah, it shouldn't be that hard. Because you know, he swam the Mississippi, so he must have had to deal with tons of anaconda snakes, piranhas, crocodiles and Amazon bull sharks. Oh, and he drinks a lot of OJ, so the malaria, cholera, yellow fever, river blindness and elephantiasis that the Amazon has been known to give swimmers won't even be an issue. Not at all.
Scatman Music Video
Yes, the video to the 1990s jazzy-scat masterpiece by the late Scatman John. He made stuttering cool again. Check out another music video for his other famous single Scatman's World here.
Online NES Emulator
For those who haven't heard of this yet, it's an online emulator of the original Nintendo. So, pretty much any NES game you played is on here, and it only takes a few second to load. No need to thank me.
Maxim's 50 Lamest Things of All Time List
I hate to spoil #1 for you, but it's mandals. Yes, mandals are the lamest thing ever according to the respected periodical known as Maxim, which was the topic of my third post ever back in September of 2005. Other things on the list include popped collars (which I also posted about in my very first post), Dane Cook (definitely agree here), cell phone holsters, Kayne West (and his gloves-and-sunglasses look), premium gas, rappers who haven't been shot, men in helmets and Utah. Yes, Utah. And this is Maxim, folks, so this is all determined strictly by science... and you can't deny science. It's scientific.
World War II Casualties
I'm not even going to put the figures on here... too depressing for my blog. Just look, especially at the TOTAL figures, because I'm not sure too many people in general are truly aware of the devastation of the war... yeah, just look.
Man Will Swim the Entire Amazon River
Yeah, it shouldn't be that hard. Because you know, he swam the Mississippi, so he must have had to deal with tons of anaconda snakes, piranhas, crocodiles and Amazon bull sharks. Oh, and he drinks a lot of OJ, so the malaria, cholera, yellow fever, river blindness and elephantiasis that the Amazon has been known to give swimmers won't even be an issue. Not at all.
Scatman Music Video
Yes, the video to the 1990s jazzy-scat masterpiece by the late Scatman John. He made stuttering cool again. Check out another music video for his other famous single Scatman's World here.
Online NES Emulator
For those who haven't heard of this yet, it's an online emulator of the original Nintendo. So, pretty much any NES game you played is on here, and it only takes a few second to load. No need to thank me.
Labels: Linkage
Comments are temporarily not working. Never fear, though, I'll figure out why. I have to -- my ego feeds off comments like a vampire off jugulars.
In other news, my blog now has labels. How cool is that?
Except you can't answer that question, because you can't comment. So, just keep the answer in your heart.
***UPDATE: Comments are now working and improved upon. So, now take that answer that you placed in your heart before, and place it in a comment.
***UPDATE #2: I have abolished moderation, because I believe in a free and just blog. Now you just have to type in a few letters to prove you're human and you can post all day, folks.
In other news, my blog now has labels. How cool is that?
Except you can't answer that question, because you can't comment. So, just keep the answer in your heart.
***UPDATE: Comments are now working and improved upon. So, now take that answer that you placed in your heart before, and place it in a comment.
***UPDATE #2: I have abolished moderation, because I believe in a free and just blog. Now you just have to type in a few letters to prove you're human and you can post all day, folks.
Labels: Site Issues
I geeked out a little bit while watching this video below. Yeah, I've never read a graphic novel before, but maybe I'll start with this, which is based on one of my favorite books. If you haven't read Stephen King's first book of his magnum opus, The Gunslinger, I couldn't stress anymore how much you should. A mix of western and fantasy, it's like combining a Clint Eastwood movie with Lord of the Rings. Yeah, I know, genius. But in all seriousness, after reading the very first sentence in The Gunslinger, I was hooked.
Honestly, though, I recommend giving it a shot. You can get it free at your local library if you're unsure of paying for it, and it's a pretty short book so you could read it in no time. There are still six more books in the series (officially titled The Dark Tower) that I haven't read, but I plan on getting to them by summertime -- after I finish Harry Potter, I suppose. Yeah, I know, I know. I swore I'd never read them, but Sara was relentless in convincing me, and what can I say? The first book was good. I guess those millions of people weren't lying after all.
Labels: Rambling
They suck.
I'm not talking about the kind in Buffalo either.
Well, they suck too.
Actually, they have the kind I'm talking about in Buffalo too.
I think.
I'm not talking about the kind in Buffalo either.
Well, they suck too.
Actually, they have the kind I'm talking about in Buffalo too.
I think.
Labels: Rambling
You know what really gets my panties all in a bunch? Spambots. Honestly, do these nerds who create them really think that people are going to click on these thousands of links they put in people's blog comments (such as here, where a spambot attacked with full force and left 538 comments)?
Well, I've noticed that I keep getting spam in a lot of my older posts, and I don't want my blog tainted anymore with that crap, so I've decided to turn on the Moderate Comments option in my blog until I can figure out a better alternative. That means when you leave a comment, it's not going to show up until I log into my blog and approve it (I'll try and get around to it as often as possible).
It's a pain in the butt, I know, but I'm not doing it because I want to.
Soon, this blog will actually be transferred to a real domain anyway, and hopefully then I will have the time to figure out how to defend myself from the ruthless tyranny of these nerds more efficiently and plan a swift counterattack.
Well, I've noticed that I keep getting spam in a lot of my older posts, and I don't want my blog tainted anymore with that crap, so I've decided to turn on the Moderate Comments option in my blog until I can figure out a better alternative. That means when you leave a comment, it's not going to show up until I log into my blog and approve it (I'll try and get around to it as often as possible).
It's a pain in the butt, I know, but I'm not doing it because I want to.
Soon, this blog will actually be transferred to a real domain anyway, and hopefully then I will have the time to figure out how to defend myself from the ruthless tyranny of these nerds more efficiently and plan a swift counterattack.
Labels: Site Issues
It's been a rough and tough few weeks over Christmas break. They were days of high highs and low lows and creamy middles -- an emotional rollercoaster of emotions, if you will.
1) Fazoli's closing. Not since Martha Stewart went to jail have I been so devastated and felt so emotionally battered. My favorite fast food restaurant is no more, and it was taken away with no notice. The week before I had been there enjoying the goodness of fast Italian food and the greatest breadsticks the world has ever seen (it pains me to think I may never taste that buttery garlic heaven again) and then like that (I'm snapping my fingers as I type this), it was taken away from me. The only other Fazoli's I have ever seen was, oddly enough, in Lakeland, Florida where I spent my freshman year of college. Other than that, according to the Fazoli's website, there isn't one within a 100-mile radius of my home now... not even in Pittsburgh! Oh, Mary Ann, the always devoted and nurturing goddess of breadsticks, may you rest in peace and up there in Heaven, I hope you serve the most glorious of Fazoli's breadsticks for all of eternity. Have my plate ready when I get there.
2) Bill Cowher. Fifteen years is a really long time (at least when you're only twenty years old, like myself). I was five years old when he became head coach of the Steelers, so it's safe to say he's the only coach I remember. Losing The Chin in Pittsburgh is a much, much bigger deal to me than not making the playoffs this year. Does that make me a bad fan? I don't have an answer, but I do have a question. Is family really more important than football? I don't want to talk about this anymore. At least not until we have a new coach that I can keep shamelessly comparing to Cowher.
3) The Edinboro Bookstore. I've been speaking with my lawyers and I'm pretty sure I'm going to press charges against Edinboro for robbing me of my hard earned money. As if they already don't rape my bank account enough with their tuition (yeah, yeah, I know, Edinboro is "technically" cheap, but when you're paying for it all yourself, it's a painful amount of money), they had the nerve to charge me a total of $439.50 for my books this Spring semester -- and that's without one class, which I decided just not to buy a book for at all. I mean, come on, isn't that just a little sickening?
It doesn't help that the professors happen to be buffoons (not all, naturally, but there is no argument that the term applies to quite a few of them). I spent $110 on a book last semester that the professor said was required. You know how many times she had us open it all semester? Zero. Literally. Everything we needed was given to us in class via Powerpoint, and then she provided all the Powerpoint notes on her site to download for studying purposes. That was very sweet of her and all -- but why did I waste $110 on one measly book that we obviously didn't even need? That's over 800 miles worth of gasoline for my truck.
Luckily, I've taken some of my books back and gotten some used ones even cheaper from friends and helpful sites like Half.com, so I've knocked a little over $100 off my original price. I think the point I'm trying to get to here though, is that even though some people try to defend the price of books and blaming it all on the sales of "used" books, and ultimately screwing everyone in the process, the business and publishing companies could just stop trying to make a ridiculous amount of profit off each book. But that's too obvious and too selfless, so I just propose that professors quit using books, because they BARELY do anyway. With this little invention called the internet, there is no need for college textbooks anymore anyway.
1) Fazoli's closing. Not since Martha Stewart went to jail have I been so devastated and felt so emotionally battered. My favorite fast food restaurant is no more, and it was taken away with no notice. The week before I had been there enjoying the goodness of fast Italian food and the greatest breadsticks the world has ever seen (it pains me to think I may never taste that buttery garlic heaven again) and then like that (I'm snapping my fingers as I type this), it was taken away from me. The only other Fazoli's I have ever seen was, oddly enough, in Lakeland, Florida where I spent my freshman year of college. Other than that, according to the Fazoli's website, there isn't one within a 100-mile radius of my home now... not even in Pittsburgh! Oh, Mary Ann, the always devoted and nurturing goddess of breadsticks, may you rest in peace and up there in Heaven, I hope you serve the most glorious of Fazoli's breadsticks for all of eternity. Have my plate ready when I get there.2) Bill Cowher. Fifteen years is a really long time (at least when you're only twenty years old, like myself). I was five years old when he became head coach of the Steelers, so it's safe to say he's the only coach I remember. Losing The Chin in Pittsburgh is a much, much bigger deal to me than not making the playoffs this year. Does that make me a bad fan? I don't have an answer, but I do have a question. Is family really more important than football? I don't want to talk about this anymore. At least not until we have a new coach that I can keep shamelessly comparing to Cowher.
3) The Edinboro Bookstore. I've been speaking with my lawyers and I'm pretty sure I'm going to press charges against Edinboro for robbing me of my hard earned money. As if they already don't rape my bank account enough with their tuition (yeah, yeah, I know, Edinboro is "technically" cheap, but when you're paying for it all yourself, it's a painful amount of money), they had the nerve to charge me a total of $439.50 for my books this Spring semester -- and that's without one class, which I decided just not to buy a book for at all. I mean, come on, isn't that just a little sickening?
It doesn't help that the professors happen to be buffoons (not all, naturally, but there is no argument that the term applies to quite a few of them). I spent $110 on a book last semester that the professor said was required. You know how many times she had us open it all semester? Zero. Literally. Everything we needed was given to us in class via Powerpoint, and then she provided all the Powerpoint notes on her site to download for studying purposes. That was very sweet of her and all -- but why did I waste $110 on one measly book that we obviously didn't even need? That's over 800 miles worth of gasoline for my truck.
Luckily, I've taken some of my books back and gotten some used ones even cheaper from friends and helpful sites like Half.com, so I've knocked a little over $100 off my original price. I think the point I'm trying to get to here though, is that even though some people try to defend the price of books and blaming it all on the sales of "used" books, and ultimately screwing everyone in the process, the business and publishing companies could just stop trying to make a ridiculous amount of profit off each book. But that's too obvious and too selfless, so I just propose that professors quit using books, because they BARELY do anyway. With this little invention called the internet, there is no need for college textbooks anymore anyway.
Labels: Rambling
Here's a commercial I uploaded for you folks. This one is from literally the coolest man alive, Harrison Ford. It's from last years Super Bowl, and hearing Mr. Ford spat out Dr. Seuss rhymes helped make it the most memorable football game ever.
Labels: Video
Here is one of my personal heroes, Bruce Campbell, being incredibly awesome as usual in a new commercial. Watch it a few times, it gets funnier with each viewing.
Labels: Video
People wonder why girls are sticking fingers down their throat after eating (or in some cases just eating a piece of lettuce and calling it breakfast, lunch and dinner). Everybody knows that in magazines the pictures of women are retouched, getting rid of the star's blemishes and wrinkles and what not. Most people aren't aware of how much goes into this "retouching" though.
It shouldn't be called retouching, it should be called plastic surgery.
After stumbling across the profile of Glenn Feron, a professional retoucher, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to open up a magazine that isn't Sports Illustrated or Ladies' Home Journal ever again. I mean, give me a break... in this picture, they actually chop off her belly to make her look about twice as skinny, and then take off any sign of her looking like a normal human being. Or how about this one, where they inflate the breasts to a good twice the actual size? What I've discovered is that in the world of retouched photos, there is no such thing as lines (this includes dimples or any lines created by smiling or frowning), cellulite, small boobs, collarbones, unflat bellies, flat butts, and that no matter how tan you are, it is never tan enough. I also discovered that Alicia Keyes is even more ugly than I originally thought and that making women look computer animated it acceptable.
See the whole portfolio here. I recommend looking through them all -- just click on a picture to see the retouched version, then scroll over it with your mouse to see the original picture.
Girls, I'm here to tell you to take that finger out of your throat and go eat some bacon and mayonnaise sandwiches, because not even women in magazines look like women in magazines. So quit worrying so much.
It shouldn't be called retouching, it should be called plastic surgery.
After stumbling across the profile of Glenn Feron, a professional retoucher, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to open up a magazine that isn't Sports Illustrated or Ladies' Home Journal ever again. I mean, give me a break... in this picture, they actually chop off her belly to make her look about twice as skinny, and then take off any sign of her looking like a normal human being. Or how about this one, where they inflate the breasts to a good twice the actual size? What I've discovered is that in the world of retouched photos, there is no such thing as lines (this includes dimples or any lines created by smiling or frowning), cellulite, small boobs, collarbones, unflat bellies, flat butts, and that no matter how tan you are, it is never tan enough. I also discovered that Alicia Keyes is even more ugly than I originally thought and that making women look computer animated it acceptable.
See the whole portfolio here. I recommend looking through them all -- just click on a picture to see the retouched version, then scroll over it with your mouse to see the original picture.
Girls, I'm here to tell you to take that finger out of your throat and go eat some bacon and mayonnaise sandwiches, because not even women in magazines look like women in magazines. So quit worrying so much.
Labels: Rambling
First of all, these are not Oscar predictions by any means, because as great of a reference as the Oscars are, everyone knows how very, very wrong they can be sometimes (unlike me). These are simply the best of the best from everything I've seen this year in my educated, pompous, and always correct opinion. These are the first annual Burdcademy Awards (which are subject to change after viewing unseen films of the year). The winners and nominees are all invited over to my house for some scrambled eggs with toast and generic orange soda after the show. The winners of each category are in red, the runners up in green.
Best Picture
1. The Departed
2. The Proposition
3. Perfume: Story of a Murderer
4. Half Nelson
5. Pan's Labyrinth
6. Brick
7. Casino Royale
8. Blood Diamond
9. Children of Men
10. The Painted Veil
Honorable Mentions: Letters from Iwo Jima, Little Children, The Good Shepherd, Apocalypto, The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada, United 93, The Prestige, The Last King of Scotland, The Fountain, The Illusionist, Babel, Notes on a Scandal, Flags of Our Fathers
Best Picture - Comedy
Borat
Little Miss Sunshine
Stranger Than Fiction
Thank You For Smoking
Best Actor in a Leading Role
Edward Norton for The Painted Veil
Forest Whitaker for The Last King of Scotland
Leonardo DiCaprio for The Departed
Leonardo DiCaprio for Blood Diamond
Matt Damon for The Departed
Ryan Gosling for Half Nelson
Best Actress in a Leading Role
Ivana Baquero for Pan's Labyrinth
Judi Dench for Notes on a Scandal
Kate Winslet for Little Children
Meryl Streep for the Devil Wears Prada
Naomi Campbell for The Painted Veil
Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Brad Pitt for Babel
Danny Huston for The Proposition
Djimon Hounsou for Blood Diamond
Jack Nicholson for The Departed
Ray Winstone for The Proposition
Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Adriana Barraza for Babel
Abigail Breslin for Little Miss Sunshine
Cate Blanchett for Notes on a Scandal
Emily Watson for The Proposition
Shareeka Epps for Half Nelson
Best Director
Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu for Babel
Clint Eastwood for Letters from Iwo Jima
Tom Tykwer for Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
John Hillcoat for The Proposition
Martin Scorsese for The Departed
Mel Gibson for Apocolypto
Best Original Screenplayabel
Brick
Little Miss Sunshine
Half Nelson
Pan's Labryrinth
Best Adapted Screenplay
Casino Royale
The Departed
A Scanner Darkly
The Prestige
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer
Best Ensemble Cast
Hollywoodland
Little Miss Sunshine
The Departed
The Good Shepherd
The Prestige
Best Cinematography
Babel
Blood Diamond
Flags of Our Fathers
The Painted Veil
The Proposition
Best Popcorn Movie
(tie) Superman Returns
V for Vendetta
Best Music
Alexandre Desplat for The Painted Veil
Gustavo Santaolalla for Babel
Javier Navarrete for Pan's Labyrinth
Nick Cave for The Proposition
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