Somerset: Hemingway once wrote 'the world is a fine place, and it's worth fighting for it.' I agree with the second part.
Se7en

Schmidt: I know we are pretty small in the big scheme of things, and I suppose the most of us can hope is to make some kind of difference, but what kind of difference have I made? What in the world is better because of me?
About Schmidt

Schmidt: Relatively soon, I will die. Maybe in 20 years, maybe tomorrow, it doesn't matter. Once I am dead and everyone who knew me dies too, it will be as though I never existed. What difference has my life made to anyone? None that I can think of. None at all.
About Schmidt

Coop: If you want unanimous consent, you're gonna have to get it from one of the other owners.
BASEketball

Lester Burnham: I can't feel anything but gratitude for every moment of my stupid little life.
American Beauty

Lester Burnham: I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up.
American Beauty

Lester Burnham: This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts.
American Beauty

Lester Burnham: Well you know what? I've changed! And the new me whacks off when he feels horny!
American Beauty

Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily comunicating.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.
Gary Johnston: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.
Team America: World Police

Terrorist: Get out of here! We have put out a jihad on the infidels because they destroyed our lives. What do you know about pain and sadness?
Gary Johnston: I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village in their Blackhawk helicopters. The infidels fired at the oil fields and they lit up like the eyes of Allah. Burning oil rained down from the sky and cooked everything it touched. I could only hide myself and cry as my goats were consumed by the fiery black liquid death. In the midst of the chaos, I could swear that I heard my goats screaming for help. As quickly as they had come, the infidels were gone. It was on that day I put a jihad on them. And if you don't believe it, then you'd better kill me now, because I'll put a jihad on you, too.
Terrorist: I like you. You have balls. I like balls.
Team America: World Police

Costello: I never talk to a man holding a gun.
Gunman: Is that a rule?
Costello: A habit.
Le Samourai

Johnny Boy: You too good for this ten dollars? It's a good ten dollars. You know Michael, you make me laugh. You see, I borrow money all over this neighborhood, left and right from everybody, I never pay them back. So, I can't borrow no money from nobody no more, right? So who would that leave me to borrow money from but you? I borrow money from you, because you're the only jerk-off around here who I can borrow money from without payin' back, right? You know, 'cause that's what you are, that's what I think of you: a jerk-off.
Mean Streets

Josey: Yeah, well, I always heard there were three kinds of suns in Kansas, sunshine, sunflowers, and sons-of-bitches.
The Outlaw Josey Wales

Batty: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.
Blade Runner

Luke: Anybody here? Hey, Old Man. You home tonight? Can You spare a minute. It's about time we had a little talk. I know I'm a pretty evil fellow... killed people in the war and got drunk... and chewed up municipal property and the like. I know I got no call to ask for much... but even so, You've got to admit You ain't dealt me no cards in a long time. It's beginning to look like You got things fixed so I can't never win out. Inside, outside, all of them... rules and regulations and bosses. You made me like I am. Now just where am I supposed to fit in? Old Man, I gotta tell You. I started out pretty strong and fast. But it's beginning to get to me. When does it end? What do You got in mind for me? What do I do now? Right. Alright. On my knees, asking. [waits] Yeah, that's what I thought. I guess I'm pretty tough to deal with, huh? A hard case. Yeah. I guess I gotta find my own way. [Headlights shine through windows] Is that Your answer, Old Man? I guess You're a hard case, too.
Cool Hand Luke

Travis Bickle: All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.
Taxi Driver

[Bobby wants plain toast, which isn't on the menu]
Bobby: I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.
Waitress: A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?
Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees.
Five Easy Pieces

Hud: Give me a clean white shirt.
Alma: Boy, you're real big with the "please" and "thank you," aren't you?
Hud: Please get up off your lazy butt and get me a clean white shirt. Thank you.
Hud

Saito: Do you know what will happen to me if the bridge is not built on time?
Nicholson: I haven't the foggiest.
Saito: I'll have to kill myself. What would you do if you were me?
Nicholson: I suppose if I were you... I'd have to kill myself.
The Bridge on River Kwai

John Merrick: I am not an animal. I am a human being. I am a man!
The Elephant Man

Indy: I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Indy: Archaeology is the search for fact... not truth.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Indy: Sallah, I said *no* camels. That's *five* camels. Can't you count?
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Henry Jones: My son, we're pilgrims in an unholy land.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter: No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.
The Big Lebowski

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Life of Brian

Edward: This story's gonna grab people. It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl, but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He's torn, Georgie. This is drama.
Ed Wood

Edward: Why if I had half a chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage. The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what's causing them, but it's upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.
Editor: You forgot the octopus.
Edward: No, no, I'm saving that for my big underwater climax.
Ed Wood

Eddie: Maybe I'm not such a high-class piece of property right now. And a 25% slice of something big is better than a 100% slice of nothing.
The Hustler

Jefferson Smith: You think I'm licked. You all think I'm licked. Well, I'm not licked. And I'm going to stay right here and fight for this lost cause. Even if the room gets filled with lies like these, and the Taylors and all their armies come marching into this place.
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Jefferson Smith: I guess this is just another lost cause, Mr. Paine. All you people don't know about lost causes. Mr. Paine does. He said once they were the only causes worth fighting for. And he fought for them once, for the only reason any man ever fights for them; because of just one plain simple rule: 'Love thy neighbor.' And in this world today, full of hatred, a man who knows that one rule has a great trust. You know that rule, Mr. Paine, and I loved you for it, just as my father did. And you know that you fight for the lost causes harder than for any other. Yes, you even die for them.
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Tom: Whoa, take 'er easy there, Pilgrim.
The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance

Daniel: Peachy, I'm heartily ashamed for gettin' you killed instead of going home rich like you deserved to, on account of me bein' so bleedin' high and bloody mighty. Can you forgive me?
Peachy: That I can and that I do, Danny, free and full and without let or hindrance.
Daniel: Everything's all right then.
The Man Who Would Be King

Han Solo: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
Star Wars

Elvis: No offense, Jack, but President Kennedy was a white man.
JFK: They dyed me this color! That's how clever they are!
Bubba Ho-Tep

Captain Stanley: Now, suppose I told you there was a way to save your little brother Mikey from the noose. Suppose I gave you a horse and a gun. Suppose, Mr. Burns, I was to give both you and your young brother Mikey, here, a pardon. Suppose I said that I could give you the chance to expunge the guilt beneath which you so clearly labour. Suppose I gave you till Christmas. Now, suppose you tell me what it is I want from you.
Charlie Burns: You want me to kill me brother.
Captain Stanley: I want you to kill your brother.
The Proposition

Charlie: I'm sorry, I prefer not to shake hands with Nazis.
German Diplomat: What have you got against us, Mr. Chaplin?
Charlie: What have you got against everybody else?
Chaplin

Brendan: No more of these informal chats! If you have a disciplinary issue with me, write me up or suspend me and I'll see you at the Parent-Teacher conference.
Brick

Labels: Lists, Movies

I'm very aware that most of my loyal readers here have been wondering a few things: a) How can I know efficiently and quickly when Keep Cool, My Babies is updated? and b) What is it like to be as famous as Jonathan?

Well, I'll answer 'A' for you now, but 'B' will have to wait until I can actually get more than 25 people a day to show up at my blog. While I insist twenty-five people is enough to consider me famous, my agent insists back that I need at least thirty people to show up every day before I can actually be considered a "celebrity," part of the cultural elite, or a demigod, if you will.

So, the point is, I've come up with a way all by myself so you can add me to your Google Homepage (which I also invented) or whatever feed it is you prefer, so you can always know when I update my blog.

If you have a Google Homepage, click on the centered and pretty colored icon below. If you have another feed you use, just click here. You won't regret it -- and now you can always know when to come back here and read my incredibly insightful and educated discussions and views on everything from movies to politics to the biggest wankers from Nowhereville, Pennsylvania to Hollywood and beyond.




Clicky. Just do it.

Labels: Site Issues

So what's the deal with the lack of conversational skills among college kids?

Why is it that all that the majority of college students talk about revolves around drinking alcohol and the results of what happens when you drink too much of it? They all seem to be the same few stories, just with different people and at different parties.

"Like, omg, she was, like, laying there in her own puke. I didn't want to clean it up, so I just left her!"

Who cares? That's not really that interesting. That happens at every single party. The other person is rarely listening anyway, and usually only responds with "Uh huh," "yep," and an occasional laugh. He or she is usually just waiting for their turn to tell their drunken story anyway.

"Yeah, cool. Gross. But oh, dude, last weekend I brought sexy back... I was so drunk over at Ronald's house, bro. I had like thirteen shots of vodka, fourteen... no, sixty-two Bud Lights, and smoked unfiltered cigarettes. Then I did sex with this one chick."

Well, that is just great. I had three glasses of 2% milk, one glass of water, and a can of Coke yesterday. The point is that I find all of this as a result of these people having no idea how to communicate. If they didn't have drinking stories to talk about, there would be plenty of awkward silences after the "how are you" and "what did you get on the test" questions that seem standard before someone starts rambling on describing in detail how it came down to George to win the semi-final match of beer pong, but he missed because he is the suck. The thing is, when the person listening has never met George in their life, why would they possibly care that he lost at beer pong the other night? If you weren't there to witness the game, then it has the same potential interest level as describing a game of dominoes.

I don't expect people to go all Socrates in their conversations all of the time, nor do I expect people to always have something deep and meaningful to say, but c'mon... can't you tell when nobody seems to care about your drunken stories? Don't you figure it out when you realize you don't care about other person's drunken stories while they're telling you? Granted, I wouldn't mind so much if the stories were actually interesting, funny, or something somewhat original rather than who lied about drinking that much or whether Budweiser is better than Coors.

I think if colleges are making all this other crap mandatory to graduate (I'm taking a class called Walking next semester, because it fulfills a requirement... sheesh), there should also be a Communcation 101 class that teaches people how to interact with others.

Labels: Rambling

1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Pauly Shore
3. Rob Schneider
4. Tara Reid
5. Nick Cannon
6. Freddie Prinze Jr.
7. Vin Diesel
8. Matthew Lillard
9. Date Movie
10. Epic Movie

Labels: Lists, Rambling

Not to mention, it must have taken forever. Enjoy.

Labels: Video

Dear Mr. Baby Penis Searcher,

On the left of my letter to you here, you can see actual search terms that people typed in a search engine to get to my blog. One time someone searched "Harry Potter Penis" and it was funny. I laughed out loud even. But as we can all see, you typed in "babies penis" once, came to my blog, but were not satisfied. So, you went back to Google and typed in "babies penis pictures."

I can only imagine your disappointment when after coming back here a second time and searching throughout my entire blog, you did not find any pictures of baby penises. In fact, you didn't find any pictures of penises at all.

Why don't I have pictures of baby penises?

Well, I'm not a sick bastard like you. Are you the Uncle Billy that everyone is afraid to leave their child with because of how much of a creep you are? I'd put a fair amount of money on it.

Now, I could give you the benefit of doubt. Maybe you're a curious female baby who logged onto mommy's computer to look for other babies of the same age. There's only one thing... babies can't type, and the only googling they do is when they see pretty colors, not from some twisted freak like yourself.

What I'm saying is that you should go get some help. Maybe it's not your fault. Maybe a priest touched you when you were little. Maybe mommy was a stripper and daddy neglected you. I don't know. But if you don't want help, just do us all a favor and throw yourself in front of a speeding bus. Thank you.

Sincerely,

JB

Labels: Site Issues