I sneezed and coughed at the same time today. It was amazing.

Labels: Rambling

Ever since I was a little kid, I've wanted to catch a fly with chopsticks, but that's not the point of this post. The point is: I really enjoy looking at these search terms people use to find my blog. This past week has been great. Although Larry W. is still bringing in the big numbers, let me just share with you a few of the others verbatim:

huge wangs
cody from step by step beats wife
bike jumping in lakeland, fl
what do i do when zombies attack
tyndall's karate
ninjitsu master
girlfriend
chuck norris jokes officially dead
k-fed sucks
kansas city isn't in kansas
teach my 5 year olds where do babies come from?
spike 's lost the babies help find the babies

I don't even understand what some of this means (spike 's lost the babies help find the babies??), but as long as that person found the huge wangs they were looking for, then I've done my job.

I'm just a simple man with a simple blog, changing the world one post at a time.

Labels: Site Issues

You read the title. These poses are in the I've-Been-Used-So-Much-That-I-Can-No-Longer-Be-Used Hall of Fame. That's a real place. Google it. These are pictures from real people that tried to add me or were already on my Facebook. They were all denied or deleted from my list and for two reasons:

1) Your poses.
2) I will no longer add people to Facebook if they have no intentions of talking to me, and have never met me before. I see no point of adding friends just to add them. Fools.

Anyway, here are the poses that are so in style and cool, that they can no longer be used -- I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules:


Pose One: The Charlie's Angels
Okay, okay. This was great to do in the 70s. It was also great at the turn of the century when the first movie came out. But many years later, and millions of pictures later, girls everywhere continue to use this pose like they were the first ones to think of it. They also tend to not do it right, and when you ask them which Angel was their favorite from the TV show, they give you a puzzled look and say, "What? It was a movie, stupid."





Pose Two: Oops!
What's the problem? Did you wet yourself? This pose really needs to go. This is probably the most common among Facebook pictures -- I literally quit counting at 20 different pictures with this pose in one person's photo album. I wanted to bang my face repeatedly against the wall after witnessing that.








Pose Three: I Drink Beer, lol!
OMG, you drink beer? You're the uber cool! Seriously though, folks, we're in college; anyone and everyone can drink beer if they want to. You don't need to plaster pictures of yourself just standing there holding a beer in your hand all over Facebook. This isn't high school anymore, fools.






Pose Four: The Shocker
This seems to be the new peace sign. You can't see party pictures without a few dozen macho dudes flashing the sacred three finger salute. In fact, you see girls and junior high kids doing it nowadays too (prentending they know what it means). I'm not sure who though this sexual hand signal would be a great addition to photos, but it sure caught on. Now, I'm saying, it must be stopped.




I know, I know: "But Jon, you take all of the fun out of getting pictures taken." Please. All I'm asking for is a little originality here. Do you want to show your future children a bunch of pictures of yourself holding up the shocker in one hand, a beer in the other, with your lips all puckered, all while posing like you're one of Charlie's Angels?
Oh... you do?
Well, I guess I just wasted my time then.

Labels: Rambling

Well, somebody who was looking for Jon Beardsley's myspace stumbled across my blog. So, Jon Beardsley, looks like you have a fan. Also, Stoop Kid, whom I posted about back a few months ago, is still remembered, even after he was kicked out of my college. Good to know. But, the real news here, folks, is the popularity of my blog lately. My users per day has nearly doubled, on some days hitting over 150 people per day. Why?

Larry Wachowski. Yeah, I guess it's the popular thing to search nowadays. 41 of the past 100 people who visisted my site have come because they searched Larry in all his transgenderness on Google. I guess a few people were upset about my past post about it, as an ongoing heated debate has taken place in the comments.



I have a pretty great post coming up here in a few days, so stay tuned. I promise not to disappoint.

Labels: Site Issues

It seems nobody understands Joshua. Probably because he's extremely creepy and disturbing. These pictures that follow are art done by Charlie White, with a puppet he made called Joshua. As PBS's site puts it:

Who is Joshua? A life-size, puppet-like character created by artist Charlie White and the poster boy for all men who've ever suffered rejection and low self-esteem. EGG takes a look at White's photographs of Joshua in the suburban hell he inhabits, and with the artist's help, attempts to understand what it means to be an American male.

I don't think being an American male is quite this creepy, but whatever. I don't see how exploiting Joshua makes anything better. He looks like a real sad fellow. It's art and on PBS's website, so it's allowed to be weird. Enjoy!

A recent trend I've noticed here at college is major amounts of hugging among peers. Let me set you up with an example, from what I witnessed take place today:

Two girls (we'll call them Mary Lou and Josephine) were standing in line to pick up some lunch at the Taco Bell. I was pulling a drink out of the cooler, when I witnessed a guy (we'll call him Billy), walk up in line behind these girls. They turned around, and Mary Lou got excited and said, "Hey Billy!" Billy reached out his arms and gave Mary Lou a big hug, let go, and then preceded to give Josephine a big hug. They acted as if they hadn't seen each other in years.

What's wrong with that, you ask? I saw them do the same thing, in the same spot, the day before. No kidding... and that's just one example. I see stuff like this go on everyday.

Maybe I'm just not the most affectionate person in the world, but I just don't get it. Hugging is a great thing, I hug people. I hug people when I leave to come back to school, or when I see them after I come back. I hug people on Christmas and sometimes randomly at Wal-Mart. That's great. It's a happy thing.

But honestly, the only reason Billy and the people like him do this, is because he wants people seeing him hug these girls, so they think he's cool, but most importantly it also lets him touch a girl in a legit way, because Lord knows Billy wouldn't be touching too many girls if he wasn't allowed to hug them as a friend.

Luckily, I'm not the only one who has noticed this Hugfest at FSC, and I brought it up over lunch with a couple of the guys and they laughed, because they had both noticed it too.

I don't know, maybe people are just really friendly here.

Labels: Rambling

Ahh, who doesn't love Spring Break? The sun, the relaxation, the babes (Sara, of course) -- it's all apart of the greatest break of the year. Well, not really the greatest; I suppose summer is the greatest being the longest and warmest, and probably Christmas is better overall too, because it's about three times as long, but it is an excellently amazing break nonetheless.

Anyway, I don't have anything to say. At all. Seriously. So, I'm just going to post how I feel about you all, and just let you know I'm back and will get something interesting up sometime real soon. Seriously. I will.

Labels: Rambling