I need to quit being a lazy blogger. I think I've said this before, but I'm saying it again. 75% of the time all I do it post a video or some pictures along with some commentary. It's easy. I like easy. I need to put more effort in it though.

Lists, which are a popular and abundant part of my blog, have been lacking -- and I still have a good number of lists half finished, but I'm too lazy to work on. It applies to much brain power. Greatest westerns, trilogies, villains, epics, directors, disney animated films, TV shows, cartoon TV shows -- why do my lists all have to do with movies or media in general?

I need to come up with more clever lists. Maybe, the Top Thirteen Ways I'd Like to Die or a Top Ten Animals I'd Like to Illegally Hunt.

I also noticed, Chuck Norris jokes are officially dead and no longer funny. I realized this while attending a seminar with Billy Blanks (that Taebo guy). In all seriousness, Mr. Blanks was talking about goals asked, "What is the most powerful thing in the world?" A student quickly shouted, "Chuck Noooooorris!"

Of course, everybody laughed -- except me. I probably would have found this pretty funny a few months ago, especially because Mr. Blanks commented that Chuck is indeed a tough fellow, but hearing Chuck Norris jokes every day from thirty different people just doesn't make a Norris joke jolt my jolly gene anymore.

C'mon guys, we've been making fun of Chuck Norris for years now, ever since Conan O'Brien's "Walker, Texas Ranger Lever" and you're just now catching on? These kids killed it for me. This blog will no longer concern Chuck Norris or anyone who looks like him (if you know what I'm saying).


Chuck Norris is dead to me.

Labels: Rambling

I'm realizing that this YouTube is quickly becoming my goto website when I'm bored. You certaintly can find a lot of fascinating videos on there... but none as fascinating as this:



That's the Hey Dude intro, and anyone within a few years of my age group will definitely remember the show.

Search here and you'll find intros to Doug, Pete and Pete, Heathcliff, Salute Your Shorts, Clarissa Explains it All, Ren & Stimpy -- heck, you can even find entire episodes of Rocko's Modern Life or Legends of the Hidden Temple if you're really feeling the nostalgia creep in the form of those little tears building up in the corners of your eyes. If you have a sharp mind, check out this commercial from the mid-90s. I remember it clearly. Look around and you won't be disappointed. I'm hoping to find some Stick Stickley on here somewhere.



Now, past YouTube and onto RetroJunk. I've known about this site for a little while, but if you want to find the intro to almost ANYTHING you can remember from the 90s... click here and it's availible for download. Make sure you go past the first page, there is going to be a lot of stuff you forgot about over the years. Enjoy!

The links provided here should give you enough entertainment for at least a month.

Alright, here's a neat lil' thing I found probably three years ago, but forgot about until today. See block A and block B? Would you believe me if I told you they were the exact same shade and the exact same color? Don't believe me, eh? Open up paint, drag a section of each block side by side, and prove it to yourself.

You can't make this stuff up, folks.

Labels: Picture

12. He Got Game
Ray Allen isn't much of an actor, but a small-time actor known as Denzel Washington is, and he completely makes this movie. It's a father and son conflict, where the father is torn between Jekyll and Hyde, wanting his kid to play for his warden's alma matter so he can get out of jail early. While Allen's acting skills aren't the greatest (hey, I'll give him credit, he blow Shaq out of the water), his basketball scenes in the film are far more than enough to make up for it. Spike Lee puts on a good show.

11. The Longest Yard (I'm talking the 1974 version, people)
Forget the crappy remake, the original is an all-time classic. Before Burt lost his touch and took on any role offered, he was one cool guy, and this movie is no exception. It was good enough that it spawned countless clones, but this one takes the cake. It's labeled a comedy, but it balances that laughs with drama unlike any other sports movie out there.

10. Cinderella Man
Sure, the movie was a little predictible (but it was a true story, you know), but it's filled with awesome performances by Crowe, Giamatti and even Renee "I Can't Get This Lemon Out of My Mouth... Ever" Zellweger. The cinematography is also somethin' to be impressed by (the whole rib breaking shot anyone?) and Thomas Newman's score is memorable enough to be playing over in your mind for the next few days.

9. The Sandlot
This is one of those movies that I watched every other day as a kid... and who didn't? 'Nuff said.

8. Major League
This is the Bad News Bears when they grew up. The purposely horrible team, expected to loose everything, decides to pull together and make some noise. Charlie "Wild Thing" Sheen shows us that he can do other movies (besides Platoon) that aren't crappy.

7. Rocky
How could you leave Rocky off the list? Yes, it's on TBS every other day, and we all know it by heart, but who doesn't stand up and cheer at the end of the movie? Oh, wait... I'm the only one?

6. The Karate Kid
Who would have thought that 80s music, funny looking clothes, and a short, bald Asian man would be such a recipe for success? After watching this movie, I spent countless hours working on my crane kick. I'm still perfecting it, and plan on getting in a fight very soon, so I may use it.

5. Field of Dreams
It's cheesy, but that's part of it's charm. C'mon, can anyone watch this movie and not enjoy it? Costner's best film, the music alone is enough to make the movie enjoyable.

4. Friday Night Lights
I wasn't expecting much when I went to see this in theatres. Yeah, the trailer looked great, but that rarely means much. The director's gritty, documentary-like style was worked perfectly, and a story that focused on the coach (played by Billy Bob Thorton, who rarely lets me down) and the small town politics he had to put up with was great. The football scenes were dirty and realistic, the music was awesome, and even the young actors were impressive, all capped off by an original, if not shocking ending.

3. Caddyshack
Bill Murray sure does owe a lot to Harold Ramis, who directed this hilariously funny flick about golf. I mean, the stuffed gopher stuff is classic, but even without those scenes, Chevy Chase and Rodney Dangerfield are at their prime. If you haven't watched this, go do yourself a favor and rent it now.

2. Raging Bull
Showcasing the rise and fall of Jake LaMotta, Scorsese's masterpiece brought up one of Robert De Niro's defining roles. LaMotta is an incredible angry guy, which works great in the ring, but eventually leads to a lot of troubles in his personal life. The black and white Scorsese uses is refreshing and adds authenticity and style to the greatest boxing flick ever made.

1. Hoosiers
Some say it's a tad outdated, and besides the incredibly short shorts, I beg to differ. It's spawned countless predictable films like it, but this was the original feel-good basketball flick (even though it wasn't entirely factual), and between Gene Hackman's perfection as the team's new, tough as nails coach, and Dennis Hopper in one of his greatest roles (besides King Koopa in Super Mario Bros., of course), this easily takes number one on my list of greatest sports films.

Labels: Lists, Movies

Click on the Comic to View the Full Size.

Labels: Rambling

After Ken and Barbie came out with that catchy, one-hit wonder back in the 90s, I knew they would never be the same. It was only a few years later that Barbie's lawyers at Mattel announced that after 43 years of being together, Barbie and Ken were indeed going to seperate due to irreconcilable differences. I, along with millions of others, was heartbroken by this news.

Of course, it was all that tramp Barbie's doing. She met Tom Selleck at one of Paris Hilton's parties, and one thing led to another; she cheated on Ken. After a huge quarrel of epic proportions, Ken and Barbie decided to end their relationship. Ken was left devastated. On the brink of alcoholism and already in a sickening state of depression, Ken put on sixty-seven pounds and refused to even shave or bathe. He spent his lonely nights in back alleys searching through dumpsters, eating scraps and mumbling to himself.

Surfing the Barbie website, like I usually do on Friday afternoons, I came across some exciting news though. "Ken has revamped his life -- mind, body and soul," Mattel consultant Phillip Bloch said. "Everyone knows how difficult it is to change, especially when you've lived your life a certain way for more than four decades." It seems Ken became obsessed with getting his Barbie Warbie back, and over the past few months, he worked out furiously at the gym. Chuck Norris (with his Total Gym 1500) was the painter, and Ken was his easel. He also spent weeks consulting with the famous stylists from Queer Eye trying to get his new look.


Lauren Dougherty, Barbie's publicist, said that Barbie "appreciates the new look Ken is sporting. He really looks great. But we'll have to stay tuned to see whether these two will get back together."

Stay tuned? Ken, babe, if Barbie won't take you back after what she did to you, you need to move on. Possibly to Black Barbie. Or even Native American Barbie. We all know dating her ethnically diverse friends with the same name would send her into fits of jealous rage and she'll be begging for you to come back.

Labels: Rambling

I watched Land of the Dead the other night. Not because I thought it was going to be any good (it wasn't), but because I was curious to see how Romero -- the man who created zombies -- would handle another chapter in his Living Dead series. While the movie sucked, it raises the ever important issue that Romero continually tries to convey with his films: Are we prepared for a zombie invasion?

This is much similar to a question raised by Blinking Woman. Of course, she dealt with a factor that is much less likely than a zombie invasion, but her question is an important one as well; just not quite the importance of what I bring to the table. Ask yourself this simple question: What ten things would you need to survive a zombie invasion that occurs worldwide?

If this is a question you ponder, and you are unsure of even five things you may need, then you are in for a rude awakening when the inevitable time comes. The government will not be able to stop zombies (which is evident in their "attempts" of keeping illegal immigrants from infiltrating American soil).


Here are my ten things I'll have by my side:
1) The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks
This will be essential if you plan on surviving more than a few days -- and for only $12.96 (plus shipping and handling), I think that it is worth the price.. It will give you all the tips you need to know and will become the primary book in your bag next to that Bible.

2) Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book
Whereas the Zombie Survival Guide will teach basic survival skills with common household items such as shotguns and machetes, I will need a skill for when my ammo or blades run short. This will not only be essential for hand to zombie combat situations, but for finding inner peace and tranquility in such a horrid time that only true Ninja training can provide.

3) Sara and friends
I say "and friends" because I don't want anyone to feel left out. So, everyone can just pretend that I mean them too... but if you get bit by a zombie, I won't even hesitate to do what I have to do... I will bludgeon you to death with your own shoe if it comes to it.

4) Herbs
I've played Resident Evil enough to know that herbs will raise my health if I am ever hurt -- whether from a zombie or even just an ingrown toenail. There are different colors of herbs, which if I mix, may help me more than if they are alone. I think my Survival Handbook will tell me more.

5) A snowsuit
It will be harder for a zombie to bite through a snowsuit than a t-shirt, which may give me the time I need to get them off me and shoot them in the head (which as we all know, is the only way they can die... er... again). This will also be imperative for sledriding.

6) Wal-Mart
While in Dawn of the Dead, they resided in a mall, I would hole up in a Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart has everything I would need. Food, shelter, clothes, guns, batteries, those sweet little cars that you can sit in and drive...

7) I don't need anything else, because Wal-Mart has everything.


So, now it's your turn, but you can't choose Wal-Mart, because I did first. Leave a comment telling me what ten things will you have when the zombie infection is upon us?

Labels: Rambling

Labels: Sports

I know I've been lazy lately and just posting videos instead of providing anything that's come from my own brain... but this is a must watch video. Conan O'Brien -- who is largely responsible for my sense of humor (see my blog name? Yeah, that's a Conan phrase) -- was not always incredibly unshy and didn't always have that ability to make love to the camera. Oh, no... Conan once had a very first episode... an episode where he was very, very obviously nervous and his fear can be felt just by watching this clip.

This is Conan's very first night on his Late Night show.

Labels: Video

As my brother Andy described this after I sent him the link: "It's like looking into the eyes of God." Well, he said something like that.

Look into those eyes of God by clicking here. This video truly is a beautiful thing. It's a wonder why David's music only caught on in Germany. Trust me, though, you have know idea... you just need to watch this.

Labels: Video

Brokeback to the Future

This is the funniest recut I've seen since the Shining Redux. I will say no more about it, but you can imagine just by the name.

I recommend checking this out now. Sorry dial-up users, it might work, but I can't promise you.

Labels: Video

1) I limited quotes by certain people, because I can't have a list of quotes by the same people over and over. I'm looking for a little variety.
2) I also left out extremely obvious ones such as "Bond... James Bond" and "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn", because that's unoriginal and way too easy. You won't find most of these on AFI's top 100 list.
3) I know I left some out, I can remember every dang quote though.
4) These aren't numbered, because that would take all day to try and figure that out.
5) I recommend reading them all.


Little Bill Daggett: You just shot an unarmed man.
Bill Munny: He should have armed himself if he's gonna decorate his saloon with my friend.
Unforgiven

Little Bill Daggett: I'll see you in hell, William Munny.
Bill Munny: Yeah.
Unforgiven

Oskar Schindler: I could have gotten one more person... and I didn't! And I... I didn't!
Schindler's List

Dr. Emmett Brown: 1.21 jigawatts? 1.21 jigawatts? Great Scott!
Back to the Future

Donatello: You're a claustrophobic.
Casey Jones: You want a fist in the mouth? I've never even looked at another guy!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Thorny: It stinks like sex in here.
Super Troopers

Harry Lime: Victims? Don't be melodramatic. Tell me. Would you really feel any pity if one of those dots stopped moving forever? If I offered you twenty thousand pounds for every dot that stopped, would you really, old man, tell me to keep my money, or would you calculate how many dots you could afford to spare?
The Third Man

Phil: Ned, I would love to stay here and talk with you... but I'm not going to.
Groundhog Day

Vincent Hanna: You know, we are sitting here, you and I, like a couple of regular fellas. You do what you do, and I do what I gotta do. And now that we've been face to face, if I'm there and I gotta put you away, I won't like it. But I tell you, if it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother, you are going down.
Neil McCauley: There is a flip side to that coin. What if you do got me boxed in and I gotta put you down? Cause no matter what, you will not get in my way. We've been face to face, yeah. But I will not hesitate. Not for a second.
Heat

Tony Montana: I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.
Scarface

Jake La Motta: Come on, hit me. Harder. Harder.
Raging Bull

Josey Wales: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.
Lone Watie: I notice when you get to DISlikin' someone they ain't around for long neither.
The Outlaw Josey Wales

Josey Wales: Dyin' ain't much of a livin', boy.
The Outlaw Josey Wales

Rick: Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she had to walk into mine.
Casablanca

McMurphy: I must be crazy to be in a loony bin like this.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Verbal: And like that... he's gone.
The Usual Suspects

Michael Corleone: I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!
The Godfather Part II

Travis Bickle: I got some bad ideas in my head.
Taxi Driver

Striker: Surely you can't be serious!
Dr. Rumack: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Airplane

Captain: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Captain: You ever seen a grown man naked?
Airplane

Vizzini: Inconceivable!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
The Princess Bride

C-3PO: Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1.
Han Solo: Never tell me the odds.
The Empire Strikes Back

Darth Vader: There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you.
The Empire Strikes Back

Kilgore: I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
Apocolypse Now

Col. Kurtz: The horror... the horror...
Apocolypse Now

Terry Malloy: I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it.
On the Waterfront

Butch Cassidy: Kid, there's something I ought to tell you. I never shot anybodybefore.
Sundance Kid: One hell of a time to tell me.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Peter Venkman: We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.
Ghostbusters

Henry Hill: As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.
Goodfellas

Deckard: I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming.
Blade Runner

Peter Gibbons: You see, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Office Space

Red: Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.
Shawshank Redemption

Dirty Harry: When a man is chasing a woman in the park, naked with a butcher's knife in his hand, I don't think he'll be collecting for the Red Cross.
Dirty Harry

Captain: You gonna get used to wearin' them chains afer a while, Luke. Don't you never stop listenin' to them clinking. 'Cause they gonna remind you of what I been saying. For your own good.
Luke: Wish you'd stop bein' so good to me, cap'n.
Cool Hand Luke

Luke: Yeah, well, sometimes nothin' can be a real cool hand.
Cool Hand Luke

Luke Jackson: What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Cool Hand Luke

Man With No Name: You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Man With No Name: (reading the note) "Idiots". It's for you.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Doc Holliday: I'm your huckleberry.
Tombstone

Harmonica: Did you bring a horse for me?
Snaky: Well... looks like we're... [snickers] ...looks like we're shy one horse.
Harmonica: You brought two too many.
Once Upon a Time in the West

Lloyd: When I met Mary, I got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling.
Dumb and Dumber

Lloyd Christmas: Hey guys! Big gulps, huh? welp, see ya later!
Dumb and Dumber

Jake Gittes: I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it.
Chinatown

Ash: Hail to the king, baby.
Army of Darkness

Indiana Jones: You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do.
Raiders of the Lost Ark

Indiana Jones: I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up.
Raiders of the Lost Ark

Indiana Jones: It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.
Raiders of the Lost Ark


My favorite quote ever?

Princess Leia: I love you.
Han Solo: I know.
The Empire Strikes Back

Labels: Lists, Rambling