Here they are, folks. You have to watch some scary movies, 'cause that's what people do when October 31st rolls around. So do yourself a favor -- rent one of these movies, invite over some people of the opposite sex, get a comfy couch and watch away. Just remember to bring an extra pair of underwear.

10. Evil Dead II
Yeah, so this pushes the boundaries of horror to comedy, but it's full of blood and gore, and when you're a kid watching this, it's enough to make ya feel all goofy and confused inside. Plus, it has Bruce Campbell as Ash... and we all know how cool he is!

9. Candyman
This Candyman, a mythical killer who can let whoever he wants see him whenever, likes to murder those close to you and make all of the evidence point to you. So what are you gonna do, tell the police that it wasn't you... it was some invisible ex-slave ghost with a hook for a hand? I remember once back in 4th grade, my old pal Chris was over, and I made him stand there next to me while I repeated "Candyman" in the mirror fives time in the middle of the night. He just about pissed himself, I swear.


8. Red Dragon
Superior to Silence of the Lambs in my opinion (maybe it's the lack of Jodie Foster and the addition of Ed Norton that does it), this prequel gives you a deeper look into Hannibal's past and at another seriously insane killer known as "The Tooth Fairy." Seeing Phillip Seymour Hoffman rolling down the street in a wheelchair on fire is worth the price of admission alone.


7. A Nightmare on Elm Street
While this movie has some real pathetic sequels, the original is a horror classic. What can you do when a killer comes after you in your sleep? This is also Johnny Depp's very first movie, so if for nothing else, it's a must see to check out a young Depp's acting chops.



6. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The remake is alright, but the original blows it away. Yeah, it's cheesy, but what straight horror flicks aren't? I mean c'mon... Leatherface wears people's skin and pursues his victims with a chainsaw... and his grandparents eat people! Kinda reminds me of my family in ways.

5. Dawn of the Dead
I'm talking the 1978 original, of course. While the remake was actually pretty decent for a remake, this one takes the cake. Why? Because these zombies are really slow. Sure, running zombies naturally are more of a threat, but the whole deal with zombies and why they are so scary is that they will come after you in numbers. So yeah, they're slow, and you can shoot and kill them easily, but more and more are just going to keep coming and eventually you will run out of ammuntion and they will eat your brains.


4. 28 Days Later
This was an interesting twist on the zombie genre. These are "zombies" in that they are not dead, but are humans infected with a virus that makes them zombie-like. It also started the whole running zombie trend, but it worked perfectly in this movie. Great, low-budget horror flick. Plus there is the whole symbolism deeper meaning human nature stuff, but you don't want any of that when you're looking for a good Halloween scare.

3. Halloween
What better movie to watch on Halloween then "Halloween"?? Michael Myers is definitely the coolest killer in franchise horror movie history. Yeah, Freddy's always cracking a joke. Jason wears a hockey mask and goes to space, Chucky has sex with other dolls... but Michael... oooh, he's not to be fooled with. As a little boy he murdered his sister, gets sent to an instiution, but many years later escapes... to murder his other sister! This guy doesn't talk, wears a mask... and always walks really slow. Yet, somehow he is always right behind you. It's a modern marvel.

2. Seven
Yeah, so this isn't a straight horror movie, but this is one of the creepiest movies ever made. It also has one of the greatest endings in film history!


1. The Shining
"Heeeeere's Johnny." That's my name with an "h". That's not the only reason I like this movie though. Jacky Boy convinces us that he is seriously a disturbed and insane individual. And do you rememeber those twin girls in the hallway? Now it doesn't get any creepier than that.

Labels: Lists, Movies

So I found out today that many scenes of The Waterboy were filmed at my college. True story. I can't find any pictures, but I'm going to go rent the DVD whenever I get around to it and watch it. I guess all of the college scenes minus the football where filmed here (the classrooms, some fountain scene, a few others). Adam Sandler supposedly would play volleyball after shooting was wrapped up for the day with all the guys here too. Adam, come back. Come play with me.

Edward Scissorhands was also filmed here in Lakeland. I actually passed many of the places that took place in the film. To be honest, I didn't remember them at all -- it's been a while since I have watched this film -- but it's still cool nonetheless.

The part that wasn't cool is that everyone else seemed to know this here at college but me.




More importantly... check out this Croc that was found in the Congo a couple years back.





That's real, folks. It was caught nearly two years ago when it reportedly crawled onto a beach and police were called in to shoot it down. It took a "a fusillade of bullets from an array of weapons including a Kalachnikov assault rifle" to finally take it down. This guy measured up to around 16 feet long, 1,874 lbs pounds and was estimated to be 50 years old. You can't make this stuff up.

I found a picture of a HUMAN eaten by a huge snake, but it seemed a little too graphic and distrubing for a family friendly blog such as mine.


I saw this "What Classic Movie are You" on another blog and had to try it out. I did the 27 question version, and answered the questions pretty quickly. I was pretty shocked when I saw my results:



Kinda weird that this is my all time favorite movie. Take the test for yourself, it's pretty neat.


Keep Cool's Incredibly Fun Fact of the Day: The average height for an adult American female is 5 feet 3.7 inches.

Labels: Rambling

I can't believe I never knew this. I feel so... so lost... so used... so taken advantege of... I don't really know what to say right now. There are just some things no man should ever have to hear. I am still shaking and in disbelief. How could I never have known this? Maybe my brother was right when he told me "maybe you've just been lying to yourself, Jonathan." Those words stung within me a realization that maybe the truth was right in front of me all along:

Kansas City isn't in Kansas.

My incredibly stunning and intelligent significant other, Sara, brought up the fact that Kansas City was, in fact, not in Kansas and she did not understand why. I laughed and belittled her, calling her names and saying she was wrong. Sara -- along with Google -- were about the teach me a lesson in geography that would have made even Mister T. Darcangelo very proud. Sara was right. I was wrong. Kansas City is in Missouri.

My heart sunk. Not from the fact that Sara proved me wrong (since she usually does, although I tend to pretend I'm right more often than I really am) or the fact that I must be a complete moron for not knowing that, but the fact that America had lied to me my entire life. My country mislead me to believe that this city -- this metropolis, if you will -- was in fact somewhere it was not.


Too lazy to investigate it futher (being nearly two in the Ante Meridien), I decided just to accept this fact... accept that Kansas City is not in Kansas -- but this arises so many new, unanswered question within me... questions I may never know the answers too. Is New York City in New York? If so, how late is Macy's open? Do New York City residents prefer flannel or fleece? What about Oklahoma City? Where is that? Colorado Springs? Could that be in Oregon? Do midgets wear children's shoes or special midget shoes?

I think I need to be alone right now.


*Editors Note: It has been brought to my attention (and can be seen in the map) that there is indeed a Kansas City, KS. So I don't feel like a total fool, but still... the KC that actually matters and everybody hears about -- the one where the Chiefs play and with a population of nearly 500,000 -- is still in MO.

Labels: Rambling

So this fellow manages to lose control of his truck and drive straight off this cliff towards certain death. Momentum and gravity must have been out on their coffee break though, for somehow this boat that he was dragging along behind him managed to stop short of the cliff edge and was now the deciding factor on whether this man would be meeting his maker or going home to see his wife.

Seriously though, just imagine it -- you tie your sweater around your neck, hop in the truck so you can meet up with your buddies at your exclusive club, and before you know it you're driving off a cliff, seeing your life flash before your eyes because, you know, you think you're dead meat... and then all of the sudden you stop mid-air and you are just hanging there, looking down at what might as well be oblivion. What would you even do? I think I would just take a nap and hope the problem solved itself.

You can see the guy poking his head out of the truck in the picture. Don't worry, folks, he lived -- and he better be praying to God or Buddah or Cher or whoever it is he prays to and thanking them that his car didn't hit the ground and explode... because cars always explode when they hit the ground. I saw it in a movie once.

Labels: Rambling

It's been a sad, sad day. It has finally been confirmed.

Stoop Kid was kicked out of college.

He was caught breaking into the computer labs over Fall Break. Whether charges have been pressed is unknown, but what is known is that FSC will no longer be the same without him.

Stoop Kid, you forever changed our lives. You made us all want to be better people. You brought your love, passion and most importantly your extreme creepiness to this school. You taught us we could sit in one spot as long as we wanted without fear of mockery and that smoking cigarette butts off the ground was okay, as long as we could open our hearts. Well, I for one have opened my heart. You will be remembered, Stoop Kid.

Labels: Rambling

This was inspired by my very own brother's blog. I saw his, and I just had to have my own -- But bro, Cannibal Campout rocked, I don't know what you're talking about.

10. Crossroads
Not even that skanky whore known as Britney Spears being half-naked could save this movie. Probably because she's a skanky whore.

9. Dungeons & Dragons
Capitilzing on the name (yet ironically having nothing to do with it), this is one of the worst written, horribly acted (Marlon Wayans is comparable to Jar Jar Binks here), most unintentionally funny flicks you could ever see. That said, stay away. Stay far away.

8. Kazaam
Shaq, looking for an Oscar since he wasn't winning NBA championships yet, showed his acting chops. Lucky for us, after a few more movies of suckiness Shaq decided to pursue his rapping career instead.

7. Super Mario Bros.
Hey, I have a great idea... hey, listen to me... hey, listen... let's make a movie. Let's make a movie and base it on one of the most sucessful gaming franchises... hey, but let's change the plot completely. We will keep the same names, but everything else will be different. EVERYTHING. It won't make sense either. People will like it anyway. Seriously.


6. Jason X
Go rent this movie right now. Skip to the scene where Jason first wakes up and listen to the sound effect it makes as he sits up. Yes, they stole that straight from a Looney Toons episode. Thats the sound they make when a cartoon character is climbing a ladder very fast.

5. Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Being a fan of the Halloween series as a child, I was quite upset to watch this. I watched it a second time just to double-check. I was right. There was no Michael Myers. What is a franchise movie without it's franchise character? I also found it peculiar that there is no witch nor was there a reference to one. It was just about a madman who planned on killing millions of children with his Halloween masks he created. Scary, I know.
*Editors Note: Somebody brought to my attention that Season of the Witch makes sense as a movie title because it's another name for the holiday of Halloween. So, in essence, the movie is named Halloween III: Halloween. Awesome.

4. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
I thought it would sorta be like "Saved by the Bell: The New Class." Boy, was I wrong. This movie was so bad that it's stars Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey sued in order to prevent it from ever seeing the light of day. Personally, the crossdressing Leatherface just kinda weirded me out.


3. Envy
With a great cast of Jack Black, Ben Stiller and the legendary Christopher Walken, how could this movie be bad? Well, it ends up I fell asleep twice in the movie theatre during the first forty-five minutes of this movie (as did two of my friends). This craptactular crapfest of crappiness became the first movie I ever walked out on.

2. Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000
Trying to spread the words of Xenu, this film failed in every way a film can fail. The scene I remember most vividly is where literally twenty or more people are shooting at Barry Pepper's character and EVERYTHING is exploding around him (I guess these bullets make concrete explode), and he's running in straight-line for a good 50-meters like this -- yet he escapes completely unharmed. I wanted to cry.

1. Batman & Robin
This was a disgrace to Batman. I mean... seriously... rubber nipples? Dramatic butt-shots? Alicia Silverstone? An ice-skating fight scene? Who could have possibly read the script and thought, "Wow, we have a winner here!" I watched this movie. Twice. I died a little each time.




There are probably a lot more movies that need to be on here (You Got Served, Gigli, Glitter, Spice World, etc) but I usually shy away from such movies, thus I have not have the displeasure of watching them.

Check out my brother's list here (see the October 10th post).

Labels: Lists, Movies

That is an actual picture that my friend took of me earlier today with his digital camera. I'm not sure what the creature was really, but my friend said it was probably just an alligator.

Labels: Rambling

I'm usually not one to complain about the government, because although our government is somewhat corrupt and not what our forefathers envisioned, it's still the greatest country around. Yet, I feel many of our Senators are a bunch of idiots.

There was a bill lookin' to be passed to change the federal minimum wage of $5.15 to $6.25 over an 18-month period. That's a $1.10 raise. $40 extra a week if you're working forty hours. Nothing too drastic, but for a family in poverty, that's quite a few extra meals. That's money for the electric bill. For a teenager, that's some nice cash to spend on car insurance. While the majority of the Senators (51-47) voted for the bill to pass, it needed 60 votes, thus only 9 votes shy of passing.

Also, I am no expert on inflation, but I've been around enough to realize that the buck from 1997 (when minimun wage was raised to $5.15) definitely does not have as much bang as it does here as 2006 is coming upon us. Especially with gas prices the way they are. If you are working at minimum wage, it takes around 36 minutes to make enough money to buy one-gallon of gas. If you do the math, it takes about a day of work just to fill up your gas tank.

Now, what really grinds my gear is this: In the same amount of time that Congress has denied this increase, these Senators have voted themselves seven pay raises worth $28,000. Take that in.

Let me just share a few neat lil' facts:
-A single parent with two children working a minimum wage job earns roughly $10,700 a year. This is $4,500 below the poverty line.

-Sixteen states have minimum wages higher than the national level, including Washington State at $7.35. Twenty-six states are the same as the federal level. Two (Ohio and Kansas) are below. Six do not have state laws.

The main arguement from a Senator who opposes this bill:
Hikes in the minimum wage do not cure poverty and they clearly do not create jobs

Well, no shit. You can't "cure" poverty. It's inevitible. Those $40+ a week will help those in need though. And who ever said raising minimum wage would create jobs? That has nothing to do with anything. You are a moron.

Sadly, my home state of Pennsylvania has the federal minimum wage of $5.15. It's good to know that both Rick Santorum and Arlen Spectre support this bill, but until idiots get pushed out of the Senate, it's likely minimum wage won't increase. Which is a shame, since if this bill passed, Pennsylvania would raise to not just $6.25... but $7.15. I could use those extra two bucks an hour.

President Bush, who is also dumb but I still like him anyway, supports the bill but "we need to make sure that, as we do that, that it is not a step that hurts small business or prices people out of the job market." I agree. That's why we have the 18-month stepping stones though.

I'm done ranting. Forgive me, there was no humor in this -- and I didn't read over or edit this post, so take it how it is. I'm gonna go to bed. I hope a Senator is out there reading this right now. My blog may very well change the world.

Labels: Rambling

Nothing too special to post today. Just a few pictures.



Okay, this is a rather large snake. Like 13-feet long if I remember correctly. So the snake attacks this alligator, eats it... but the alligator was so big, that the snake just exploded resulting in the deaths of both creatures. This was all in Florida, mind you, only a few hundred miles from where I live. I didn't realize there were snakes that big in Florida. Now, I'm not afraid of snakes, but I'm pretty sure if I saw this in the wild I would either A) cry like a little girl or B) wet my pants. More than likely both.



Sheesh, this is a little harsh just for grabbing up a few golf balls to use, isn't it?



This sign just confuses me.



Schools have changed a little bit since my days, I guess.

Labels: Rambling

It was nearly midnight. My face glistening from beads of sweat, I carefully looked across the street at Hollis Hall.

There was no sign of him.

With a sigh of relief, I began to cross the street. My heart skipped a beat and I stopped dead in my track as all my worst fears became reality. There he was... sitting there on that bench, playing with his lighter and a cigarette in his mouth.

Stoop.

I had heard of the Stoop. Very little was known about him. Frightened, but fascinated, to actually see him in the wild I gazed upon him, studying his every move -- waiting to see if this Stoop was an agressive or passive creature. It wasn't long before I decided to play it safe and go into the Hall through the other door.

This was the first of many encounters I would have with Stoop.

It was not long before Stoop (who's actual name and species is unknown at this point) became a Florida Southern College myth. Within a few short weeks, rumors and stories of the Stoop were spreading like wildfire. Ultimately, a handful of young men decided to investigate this Stoop.

They called their investigation the The Stoop Files.

A facebook group was soon created dedicated to the mystery of Stoop. It's popularity exploded and after only 24 hours on the market, over seventy people were already apart of this phenomenon.



A few messages on the boards may explain many students reactions to this situation.

Some think he's crazy.


Some are curious.


Some want to kill him.


Some believe he has brought us at Hollis Hall together.


Maybe this guy sums up what Stoop is all about the best though:




So... who and what is this Stoop?

I don't know.

But I for one believe the legend of Stoop has brought us all closer. He made us realize what was important in life. You may think he's weird -- but when you sit and think about it, maybe he is the only normal one. We can all learn a little something from him, if we can just open our hearts.


Here's to the Stoop kid!

Labels: Rambling

Do you know where the largest crowd in the history of the NFL took place?

Well, you can probably guess from the title of this post that it's Meh-he-co City. Each of the three preseason games played there drew over a hundred-thousand people. A record 112,376 homies showed up for the 1994 Dallas Cowboys vs. Houston Oilers game. That's a lot of people. The games I've all gone to were packed like crazy and they had somewhere in the ballpark of 60,000 fans. Okay, sure, Mexico City has some 17 million people there (compared to the 8 million that reside in New York City) -- but those are some 17 million Mexicans who want some good American football to watch on their lonely, steaming hot Mexican nights. Recent NFL surveys (according to CNNSI at least) say that Mexico has the "largest fanbase (20 million) outside of this country, most of them Cowboys, Steelers and 49ers fans". Recent whispers around the NFL suggest that there is an untapped market just BEGGING to give the NFL millions and millions of extra dollars per year.

Foreign expansion.

Sounds sorta risky. Many American fans don't like the idea of that. But hey, I'm all for new things. Then we can add more teams in Tokyo, Calcutta, Bangkok, Rio de Janeiro and of course, Baghdad. They will also obviously change the name of the NFL to the INFL, naturally. The "I" standing for "International", not "Inconceivable."

So, what's our duty as loyal fans to the INFL, er... the NFL? Figuring out a name for the Mexico City team that may happen someday. I've thought it over and here is what I've narrowed it down to:


Mexico City Latinos
Mexico City Chinchillas
Mexico City Fútbolistas
Mexico City Patriots (and obviously change New England's name)

They would play their games in the new world's largest stadium "The Alamo".
Those games against the Houston Texans would be an ironic rivalry.

Labels: Sports

I have never taken a formal lesson is any sort of defensive or martial arts. Yet, I am an expert in many of them. I know if I ever am attacked by a group of guys, I will easily be able to take them all on one by one and defeat them. How do I know this you ask? Let me explain.

I am a master of ninjistu. Scoff if you must, but it is the truth. I have studied many techinical and advanced films on the mastery of this art. I credit all I have learned of ninjustu to two films.

These turtles had mastered the art of ninjitsu by the time they were teenagers. That is quite a feat. Studying and taking countless pages of notes on this film has incresed my knowlege and skills with the katana, the sai, the bo staff and nunchukus. I quickly learned that I must talk like I'm from the beaches of California and ride a skateboard if I want to be a ninja. Following the wise Splinter's teachings, when I found myself mouthing off to my elders or causing trouble, I would punish myself by performing twenty backflips in a row. Sometimes, like Mike, I would cheat, but only because I really can't even do one backflip. These children took ninjitsu to a whole new level. They fought men three and four times their age. I learned much from them and because of them, I am the fighter I am today.




I am a master of karate. This is no secret. I have watched and studied the Karate Kid saga countless times in my life. Mr. Miyagi has been like a father to me, teaching me life and karate's lessons in many strange and Asian ways.

Daniel, who was a little wimp like me, was taught not only how to wax cars very effieciently, but the sacred and mysterious crane kick modeled after the ancient flamingo.

I learned so much from that wise old fella. Except in that fourth movie. It didn't even really make sense.





I am a master of kung fu. This is a martial art of Jackie Chan proportions. The many styles and lessons I learned from Kung Pow are priceless. The movie, while not only epic and beautiful, brought tears to my eyes in ways that only Bambi before it could.

And I quote. QUOTE Killing is wrong. And bad. There should be a new, stronger word for killing. Like badwrong, or badong. Yes, killing is badong. From this moment, I will stand for the opposite of killing: gnodab. ENDQUOTE.



I am a master of samurai. Samurai is not just a fighting technique. It is a way of life. Thanks to Tom Cruise, I have been able to overcome the prejudice that only Japanese can become Samurai. Thanks to Tom Cruise, I can look past the fact that I'm really not a samurai, but I can pretend to be. Thank you, Tom Cruise. Thank you for everything.



Last, but not least... I am a master of being really awesome.


Yes, that's right. Chuck Norris taught me that. I've watched every episode of Walker at least 4 times. Walker didn't fight, just to fight... he fought to be awesome. And it wasn't just mindless fighting, there was always a moral to the episode. Like the one with the tornado and the bus. If you are a great fighter like Chuck (and like I hope to be 1/1,000,000 of some day) then not even tornadoes can hurt you. Then the episode with Hulk Hogan. Chuck and Hulk taught two different gangs that they need to stop killing each other and play basketball together -- then they found out they weren't so different after all. There was also the episode with the Special Olympics. I really don't remember the moral... or what happened really. But I rememebr he coached a team... and that's what martial arts is all about, folks.

Labels: Rambling

In a recent class of mine, the professor asked us if people still said the word "cool" anymore with the meaning "hey, this is nice, I really enjoy that." A few students piped up, "Well, no Mr. Professor, people don't really say cool anymore."

This is news to me. I even have the word "cool" in the title of my blog. I must be really behind in the times.

"Well," the professor continued, "what is the universal word for that nowadays?"

Again, the same student who declared that we did not use the word anymore spoke up. "Well, most people use 'wicked' or 'tight' or sometimes 'chill.'" This made me laugh, as it did the professor as well. Nobody else thought this was humorous.

So, my mind begins to wander at this point. People don't say "cool" anymore, but they say "chill." Hmm........ "Hey, how is the new Madden game?" "Oh, it's chill, bro... it's chill." Could it also be icy? Or frigid? Nippy even. "Yeah, dogg, that guy is pretty nippy." I like the sounds of that. That's tight.

A female student spoke up. "Me and my girls usually say 'that's hot'."

Now, according to what I learned in kindergarten... hot is the opposite of cold. Cold is a variation of "cool" and "chill" and "nippy." If something is enjoyable and acceptable, it is both chill and hot then? A chilled hotness.

I understand "cool" has evolved over the years, spawning synonyms such as "groovy", "hip" and "sweet." I suppose this is just continuing the evolution of the word "cool."

Okay, I really don't have a point to this. This isn't really going anywhere. I am just confused and realize I have better change my blog name to "Keep Tight, My Babies" if I wanna stay wicked.

Labels: Rambling