Okay, I can't even describe this... if you have seen the Shining, you HAVE to download this. It's brilliant!



Download the Trailer

Labels: Video

I stumbled across these pictures and had myself a good laugh:




I hope this makes you laugh as much as it made me laugh. I can see why Eminem is so angry at the world. George Clooney looks like a friggin' Mexican. Eh whatever, just look at 'em, and get a good laugh.




In a creepy sort of way, Sarah Jessica Parker looks exactly the same.



The lesson I learned today: Be nice to those really goofy looking kids.

Labels: Pop Culture

Gred Kinnear looks an awful lot like the infamous serial killer Ted Bundy.




I'm not sure where I'm going with this, really...




I just had to get that off my chest.

Labels: Rambling

Mario was one cool guy back in the 80s and 90s. Most people felt bad for his brother, Luigi, but I never did. He was the physically fit and handsome brother -- it was about time the short, pudgy guy got a little respect. Now here's a question... have you ever sat and thought about what the Super Mario Brothers games were about?

You answer is probably a no -- or possibly a yes, or even an I'm not sure. The point is, the guy that came up with the game's concept is defintely a drug-addicted nutcase. The game consists of two overall-wearing brothers, who also happen to be plumbers, who are in the magical Mushroom Kingdom looking to save the beautiful Princess Peach from the evil dinosaur-like King Koopa (also known as Bowser to us more nerdified bunch). These brothers must travel through pipes and worlds, encountering various henchman such as the Goombas, flying fish, killer turtles (and some of those had wings!), piranha plants (which hide in the pipes), and the incredibly annoying Lakitu who hid in a cloud and threw little spikey covered creatures at you. Also, on occasion, you would come up against large, slow moving bullets that had faces and arms and would try to kill you. The way for you not to die was to constantly consume mushrooms. When you were "small" you would take a red mushroom and grow big! A green mushroom gave you an extra life. This is just the original Super Mario Brothers too, folks.

I'm not going to cover the second game, because as great as it is, it is just one large acid trip. If you have played it, you will understand what I am talking about. The third game, well... it's out of control too, but one of the greatest games ever created. And yes, you can turn into a raccoon AND a frog. How grand.





This leads me into the actual point of my post. Mario is a pretty cool guy. He spawned his own cartoon TV show. It had a really creepy guy dressed as Mario and singing a rap song to open up the show, but once it got into the cartoon, well... it was just a little slice of heaven. I even wore Mario on my underwear -- and if you're cool enough to get on my underwear as a child, you know you were cool. They sat in my dresser drawer right next to my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle undies.





Alright, I'm getting off track again. What makes Mario and his pals the coolest guys around is one thing: These guys have their own soft drinks. Okay, well "had." And I don't think they lasted long either. But boy, do I remember them. They came in little half-can cans, that were just the right size for my manly 7-year old self. There was Yoshi's Green Apple, Mario's Fruit Bunch, Luigi Berry and Princess Peach's Cherry. While they were all mighty tasty in their own right, Yoshi' drink had a special place in my heart, and probably contributed to my soda addiction later in life.

Ahh, the joys of youth. If I could just find a can of Yoshi's Green Apple, I would surely drink it. I don't care that it'd be over 10-years old. By the way, this is possibly the last remaining picture of Mario Pop IN THE WORLD!

Labels: Rambling

Mandals... or flip flops... or man-feet thongs... whatever you prefer to call them... I have never really had a particular problem with them. Granted, I would never have worn mandals, but it never bothered me when somebody did, that (metrosexual) just isn't my sort of style.

I came to college and it was not long before I noticed I was the only male not wearing mandals. I'm not even exaggerating.

As I walked back to my residence, I looked at every male's feet that I passed (yes, I know, that's weird -- but I was justified) and every single one of them wore mandals. With shorts. With jeans. With khakis. It didn't matter. I must have passed fifty or sixty guys too.

So... what is it about the mandal that people find so appealing? I have worn them -- I cannot lie -- and it was about the most uncomfortable walking experience I had in my entire life. That time I walked barefoot over a pile of coals felt like heaven compared to the torture and pain I suffered by wearing mandals. Who wants a piece of leather rubbing between their big and second toes anyway?

Not only are mandals uncomfortable, though, they make you look goofy. It looks like you raided your little sister's closet. Yes, you look stupid. And if you wear them with pants, that makes little sense to me. If you wear them with socks... well, you're hopeless.

In the mandals defense, they never really bothered me. It wasn't until I found out it was mandatory for males to wear them at my college that I decided I would write about my dislike for them.

But hey, they look great with those pink shirts and popped collars!

Labels: Rambling

Every once in a while I seem to have a flashback of a particular item from my childhood. I'm not sure what triggers it to be honest -- but nonetheless, one day over this past summer I seemingly out of nowhere remembered a beloved soft drink which I had consumed for a summers time back when I was a youngin'. Yes, they were three drinks, as a matter of fact, and these drinks were none other than fruit flavored Pepsi. There was a strawberry flavored Pepsi, as well as both raspberry and fruit punch flavored Pepsis. I brought this up with various friends and acquaintances, whom all mocked and laughed at me, and called me a silly boy with silly dreams. Nobody seemed to remember these drinks. I was puzzled. I stood by my word though and realized I had a mission... I had to find out about these Pepsi products, and nothing... and I mean nothing was going to stop me.

So, I consulted the Pepsi company itself, calling various bottling and manufacturing plants, but all I received on the other end was suspicious questioning or just a plain old-fashioned hang up. Determined, I was able to dig up the CEO of Pepsi, Inc.'s office number and gave him a direct call. After talking to a secretary and being put on hold for what seemed like an eternity, I was finally put through.

"Hello?"

"Hello Mr. President, I've been searching for answers, and just had a simple, easy question to ask. Could I ask you that question?"

"Yes, sure."

I took a deep breath, wondering what I was getting myself into. "Did Pepsi ever have fruit-flavored Pepsi drinks... probably around the early to mid-90s?"

There was an awkward silence on the other end. Sweat dripped from my brow. I had come so close, and my destiny would be revealved in the next few words spoken. "No, I do not know what you are talking about."

"Are you sure?" I was poking and prodding, hoping I could break what already seemed to be an uneasy man.

"What did you say your name was again?"

"I didn't say," I shot back. "I just want answers, damnit. I just want the TRUTH!"

I slammed the phone on the receiver in my rage. Why were they concealing the truth? What did they have to hide? What did they have to lose? Then it hit me. I knew how to find the truth. I knew where to go to find all of the answers.

Google.

Hours and hours of strenuous searching and digging through websites eventually led me to my truth I had longed for. My destiny now lied within one image; one image that could crumble a titanic corporation. I leave you with this photo now. I leave you with the truth.

Labels: Rambling

Alright... so let me introduce myself. I'm just a normal guy. I have a face with eyes and some ears and I enjoy extra butter on my popcorn... but who doesn't, right?
Let me tell you a few things that have been bothering me greatly as of late though, since I have started college...

1. Guys that wear pink.
Who came out and said it was acceptable for guys to wear the universal color for females? Pink is not acceptable. Ever. As a matter of fact, if you wear pink, think about it for a moment... 5 years ago, what would you have thought if you saw yourself wearing a PINK shirt. Yes, that's right -- you would have kicked your own ass. So I suggest you either do that, or quit wearing pink. It's embarassing to the male gender, and I don't care what any of those fashion "experts" say, you look like a idiot.

2. Guys that pop their collars on their polos.
I don't care if your rich ancestors used to pop their colors a few hundred years back when they came to America. Your rich ancestors also wore wigs, had slaves and married their first cousins.
But this one has me stumped. I wonderin' who that first guy was that popped their color within the past year or so and was like "Gee, I look cool doing this." It was probably a celebrity, since us mindless Americans follow celebrities' footsteps as if they are the Messiah's. Remember that John Deere trucker hat faze? Damn you for that, Ashton Kutcher. Damn you. But hey, if I was a loved celebrity, I would tell everyone it was cool for guys to wear skirts and say if you didn't wear a skirt, you weren't allowed watch MTV. Then I would lose all hope for America when I actually saw these frat boys with their pink popped-collar shirts and skirts on.

3. Facebook pictures.
I notice about one out of every five or six Facebook pictures consists of a person holding and/or consuming an alcoholic beverage. Wow. If you have alcohol in your picture that you post for thousands of people to see on Facebook, you are an idiot. Whoopity doo, you can drink alcohol! Hey jackass, so can just about anybody else in college that wants to. We're in college. Why don't you go back to your dorm and stare at your Corona poster you have hanging up and put on your Coors Light trucker hat. Yeah, that's right... because you're hard, and you can drink BEER!!! OmG LoLz!!! I hate you.

4. Dorms
Yes, it's a common complaint many of my peers hear from me -- I hate dorms. Especially really old, junky ones, where twenty people share a bathroom and two toliets... and if that weren't bad enough, with people that constantly yell and scream late into the night. Skateboarding in the hallway at one in the morning when I hafta be up in five hours is just plain idiotic. Go OUTSIDE. Do your super-wicked tricks out on the sidewalk, dumbass. And no, yelling obnoxious comments in the middle of the night is not funny, no matter how many of your douchebag friends tell you it is. You are not funny, nor are you cool, nor does anybody like you. Go back to your dorm and hang yourself. What can I say -- when I get awoken from a nicely-going *pleasant* dream, I'm bound to be a little angry.

5. Disney Making Countless Sequels
Okay, so this doesn't have much to do with the other four, but anyway -- I know that Disney isn't the only culprit, but they make some of the most unnecessary sequels. Granted, I will never watch a single one of them, but somebody's children will. Think about the children. Cinderella 2??? No, no, no. It ended with a "Happily Ever After." How can you take away the "Happily Ever After"?!?!? Pochahontas 2? The Lion King II? The Lion King 1 1/2...?? The Jungle Book 2?? Little Mermaid 2?? 101 Dalmations II??? Mulan II? Lady and the friggin' Tramp II??? RETURN TO NEVERLAND???????? Seriously, what happened to a little originality? You're making Walt roll over in his grave, and giving me a headache in the process. Hire me, I can make up better stories than those.


Keep cool, my babies. I'm going to bed.

Labels: Rambling

One Lane Bridge: The Director's Cut
How to Survive a Zombie Attack
A Good Story
OMG hi 2 u :-) asl?
Sequels, sequels, sequels...
Mario is a Pretty Cool Guy
Pepsi. Destiny. Truth.
I Am Qualified in Many Forms of Martial Arts
People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive
Fred Savage is Back
Kevin Federline? Sorry, homies, he's K-Fed now.
Goodness Gracious, TGIF.
Nothing in Particular
Mexico City... the Future of the NFL?
Larry Wachowski is a freak.
Greg Kinnear Looks like Ted Bundy
The Very First Post

Labels: Site Issues

Poll #7: What's the best Star Wars movie?
The Empire Strikes Back - 46%
A New Hope - 29%
Return of the Jedi - 15%
Revenge of the Sith - 8%
The Phantom Menace - 2%
Attack of the Clones - 0%

Poll #6: Which of these superpowers would you want most?
Flight - 25%
Time Travel - 16%
Invisibility - 14%
Fire Manipulation - 14%
Herpes - 8%
Shape-shifting - 8%
Superhuman Strength - 5%
Accelerated Healing/Prolonged Life - 4%
Telepathy - 4%

Poll #5: What's your favorite movie of 2006?
The Departed - 36%
Casino Royale - 31%
The Proposition - 7%
Pan's Labyrinth 5%
Half Nelson - 2%
The Prestige - 2%
Apocolypto - 2%
Superman Returns - 2%
Letters From Iwo Jima - 2%
Blood Diamond - 2%
Borat - 2%
United 93 - 2%
Others - 5%


Poll #4: What's your favorite Scorsese film?
Goodfellas - 23%
The Departed - 16%
Taxi Driver - 12%
Raging Bull - 9%
Casino - 7%
The Aviator - 7%
Mean Streets - 6%
The Color of Money - 5%
The Last Temptation of Christ - 5%
The King of Comedy - 4%
Gangs of New York - 3%
Other - 3%

Poll #3: The coolest Ninja Turtle is obviously...
Raphael 40%
Donatello 33%
Michaelangelo 23%
Leonardo 3%


Poll #2: What's your favorite of these films?
Raiders of the Lost Ark 33%
Braveheart - 12%
The Shawshank Redemption - 11%
The Godfather - 10%
The Empire Strikes Back - 9%
The Good, The Bad and the Ugly - 8%
Fight Club - 7%
Goodfellas - 5%
LotR: Return of the King - 5%
Saving Private Ryan - 1%


Poll #1: Who's your favorite of these actors?
Robert De Niro - 20%
Harrison Ford - 17%
Al Pacino - 15%
Tom Hanks - 11%
Jack Nicholson - 11%
Johnny Depp - 10%
Mel Gibson - 6%
Denzel Washington - 4%
Nicholas Cage - 4%
Clint Eastwood - 2%

Labels: Site Issues

Movies I've Watched in 2008

The Other Boleyn Girl - 7.5/10
Wall-E - 9/10
The Player - 8/10
Tristan & Isolde - 7/10
Grace is Gone - 7/10
Darkman - 7/10
The Incredible Hulk - 7.5/10
In Bruges - 8.5/10
P.S. I Love You - 7/10
Kung Fu Panda - 7/10
Head-On - 8/10
Romulus, My Father - 9/10
Youth Without Youth - 6.5/10
Indiana Jones 4 - bad/10
Less Than Zero - 7/10
Iron Man - 9/10
Dan in Real Life - 7/10
Joshua - 6/10
Gerry - 7.5/10
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - 9/10
Death at a Funeral - 8/10
In the Valley of Elah - 7.5/10
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story - 8/10
The Last Kiss - 8/10
Snow Cake - 7.5/10
Paris Je'Taime - 8/10
Tideland - 8/10
The Kite Runner - 8.5/10
Drillbit Taylor - 5/10
Run Fatboy Run - 6/10
I Heart Huckabees - 8/10
Jumper - 5/10
Lucky You - 5/10
The Darjeeling Limited - 9/10
Hitman - 6/10
Charlie Bartlett - 7.5/10
He Was a Quiet Man - 6.5/10
There Will Be Blood - 10/10
Ghost Rider - 1/10
Swingers - 8.5/10
Poolhall Junkies - 7/10
The Bucket List - 6/10
Troy - 7/10
Beowulf - 7/10
The Dancer Upstairs - 7.5/10
Juno - 8/10
28 Weeks Later - 7/10
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind - 8/10
Atonement - 8.5/10

Labels: Lists, Movies

Movies Reviews
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Run Fatboy Run
Michael Clayton
Cashback
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Lookout
The Proposition
TMNT
Unknown
The Wind That Shakes the Barley


Movie Editorials
From the Back Row: The Samurai Trilogy
From the Back Row: Le Samourai
From the Back Row: The Great Silence
Interview with The Sensation of Sight Director Aaron J. Wiederspahn
The Ten Coolest Beards in Movies
10 Movie Characters Every Guy Wants to Be Like
Indiana Jones and the Cast Crusade
Underappreciated Movies
The Problem With Harrison Ford
Edward Norton Ends Oscar Swag Bags
Spider-Man 3 in an Alternate Universe

Labels: Movies

Currently Reading
Dark Tower VI, The: Songs of Susannah by Stephen King
Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez


Recently Finished
Cities of the Plain by Cormac McCarthy
Rabbit, Run by John Updike
Never Surrender by Michael Dobbs
Why I Write by George Orwell
Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer
Mysteries of Pittsburgh, The by Michael Chabon
Winter of Our Discontent, The by John Steinbeck
Time Traveler's Wife, The by Audrey Niffenegger
World War Z by Max Brooks
Final Frontiersman, The by James Campbell
Waiting by Ha Jin
Orchard Keeper, The by Cormac McCarthy



The List
All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy
Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
Bread Givers by Anzia Yezierska
Captain from Castile by Samuel Shellabarger
Cell by Stephen King
Clear and Present Danger by Tom Clancy
Congo by Michael Crichton
Count of Monte Cristo, The by Alexandre Dumas
Crossing, The by Cormac McCarthy
Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, The by Mark Haddon
Dark Tower I, The: The Gunslinger by Stephen King
Dark Tower II, The: The Drawing of the Three by Stephen King
Dark Tower III, The: The Waste Lands by Stephen King
Dark Tower IV, The: Wizard and Glass by Stephen King
Dark Tower V, The: Wolves of the Calla by Stephen King
Dark, Tower, The: The Little Sisters of Eluria by Stephen King
Death of Ivan Ilyich, The by Leo Tolstoy
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick
Dogs of Babel, The by Carolyn Parkhurst
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Firm, The by John Grishm
Grapes of Wrath, The by John Steinbeck
Great Gatsby, The by F. Scott Fitzgerald by JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows by JK Rowling
Hell House by Richard Matheson
Hutt Gambit, The by A.C. Crispin
If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B-Movie Actor by Bruce Campbell
Invisible Man, The by H.G. Wells
Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton
Kite Runner, The by Khaled Hosseini
Les Misérables by Victor Hugo
M*A*S*H by Richard Hooker
Metamorphosis, The by Franz Kafka
Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
On Writing by Stephen King
Outsiders, The by S.E. Hinton
Paradise Snare, The by A.C. Crispin
Patriot Games by Tom Clancy
Perks of Being a Wallflower, The by Stephen Chbosky
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer by Patrick Süskind
Road, The by Cormac McCarthy
Scarlett Letter, The by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk
Terminal Man, The by Michael Crichton
Time Machine, The by H.G. Wells
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Tortilla Flat by John Steinbeck
Utopia by Sir Thomas More

Labels: Books, Lists